Friday, February 27, 2009

Goodbye to all that ...

The Chi-Ting Lingam of Fire!

So Dear Readers ... The season has come to an end. The punters are leaving and the gurus have fled to more fiscally rewarding pastures. Those who are left, broil in the heat and acts of madness multiply by the day.

So what's it all been about? Arunachala holds up a huge mirror to the soul, where all the poison in the mud hatches out and everyone bears witness! Tiruvannamalai seems to attract people driven by desire and self-deception, fashioning reality in their own perverse image, with none of the self-reflection or spirituality they so ardently talk about.

Take the latest incident at Manna Cafe where a woman was knowingly drugged with space cake and left abandoned at Rangammal Hospital (without even her clothes!) This sheds an appalling light on the corpulent alcoholic, ex-heroin addict pretending to manage the place, who ran for cover at the first sign of trouble. A compulsive liar, Steve dishes up more and more outrageous stories by the day (and even claims to be holding off enlightenment!) Meanwhile the restaurant is a shady den where he traps women into illicit sex (while calling it tantra!) and his wife struggles to bring their daughter up singlehandedly, with no financial income.

Then there are the leeches who see Tiruvannamalai as their own private investment market. For them, the town exists only as a financial opportunity for shops, restaurants and real estate ventures (all in the name of God of course!) With the influx of ready western cash into the area, the economic disparity between visitor and local has led to unprecedented greed. This septic bubble will soon burst as the recession bites more deeply and the Indian banks stop paying out against all the black market monies propping up the rampant house-building here.

Add into the mix, foreign women walking around with their bra straps showing and treating T.V.Malai as a sexual playground. Fucking the locals (definitely sadhana!) with little understanding of the religious and social mores is creating an explosive situation. A visit to any internet shop reveals young Tamil boys obsessively viewing Western pornography in the midst of their repressive home culture. Hardly a place of spiritual pilgrimage, T.V.Malai is increasingly a place to get heckled, sexually assaulted (even for those who dress conservatively and follow local customs!) and propositioned after dark.

Tiruvannamalai seems to draw the self-justifying ego. Under the pressure of Tamil Nadu power cuts, the threat of serious disease and the irritation of daily price scams, seekers grip on ever more frenziedly to satsang. Then the latest guru's in town and they jump from one deluded fantasy world to yet another: complete with satisfying explanation. This is truly the new frontier of crass spiritual tourism, blown up large for all to see!

As for this blog, we merely provide a voice for the disaffected fringe, who have the common sense to realise that all these gurus are Wannabe Emperors with No Clothes On. We just take the piss (it's only satire, not mass murder!) So why do people get so angry about this site? In reality they see a reflection of themselves (is that bullet too hard to bite?) What we write is only offensive to those with ego who have huge investment in certain personalities, postures and calcified belief systems ... in other words, spiritual elitists! We are showing you yourself ... Chi-Ting Apocalypse is the sadhana of all sadhanas!

After all, don't the people who criticise this page, at the same time engage in the most incredible self-indulgent bitchery and back-stabbing gossip in the various cafes of T.V.Malai? (These potted conversations contain more spite and ire than we could muster in a thousand pages!) Aren't most of the Westerners here just unreconstructed Christians who lie around in the heat, smoking pot and flaunting their elevated principles in a New Age guise? And if this site is so nasty, why does everyone read it so avidly? Everybody talks about it in hushed voices, sniggering in corners! The moral hypocrisy here is really stunning!

The real issue is not what you think or feel about this blog, the gurus or T.V.Malai but whether you use all this to dis-identify with your own ego ... Or are you simply using this town as a self-aggrandising prop to keep the whole edifice of your identity afloat?

QUESTION: Why are there so many false gurus?
ANSWER: Because there are so many false seekers!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Mad, bad and back again ...

Team Madhukar go for it in a frenzied attempt to get enlightened ...

Yes it's that time of year again, Madhukar is back in town. This priapic übermensch makes Mooji's carousing look like something from der kindergarten. Madhukar's evil leering visage can be seen on slick posters all over town, a fascist political manifesto for a serial offender who has found the keys to paradise! This time Madhukar is selling something called The Yoga of Silence, which probably means that any young girls under the age of 25 will be rounded up and chained and gagged, before being left to the tender mercies of The Big Bad Bald One. He handpicks his victims carefully and has reduced satsang to an aggressive act of dominance. How anyone can be taken in by this Benito Mussolini lookalike with his imperial pretensions is a complete mystery to us but year after year coachloads of the willing arrive to sacrifice their innocence and euros to his hubris.

If you like ruthless exploitation and humiliation, this dude is the Big Daddy of them all. Enjoy!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sunanda Whitehouse R.I.P.

Sabotage attempt on the Chi-Ting website!

The world of Chi-Ting has been stunned by the news that Icon of Moral Rejuvenation Sunanda Whitehouse has been assassinated. Sinister reactionary forces deliberately implanted a deadly cybervirus in the image of Ms Whitehouse but were quickly liquidated by the awesome Chi-Ting powers of Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji.

Distraught grumpy grannies have been laying wreaths outside the Quo Vadis Interfaith Centre. Was she taken out by another Born Again or was she whacked by one of Real Estate Radha's mob? (Gang Supremo Medusa Ma was known to be violently jealous of Sunanda's cult status!) Other suspects include Papaji Policewoman Chandi Devi in collusion with a donkey from Texas called Chuck. (Did the donkey shag her to death? How bestial can this sordid drama get! For Chuck's mugshot, see the Comments section under The Curse of Neo Advaita).

Sunanda will now be laid out in state. Paramilitary troops have been drafted in to deal with all eventualities. To these agent provocateurs: THANX for underlining the FACT that we are hitting the mark! Ms Whitehouse will live on just like this website, her voice will never be silenced. She is a martyr to the cause of Chi-Ting. Her legacy will be legendary!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The curse of Neo Advaita ...

Shopping for salvation

It could be you. YOU could be the lottery winner, Neo Advaita style ... Truth as a fast-food outlet, the latest soap product. Neo Advaita has branded and packaged enlightenment as a cure-all for a generation caught up in an endless quest for instant gratification. This is the post-modern democratisation of Self realisation, a sophisticated seduction of the Capitalist ego, which promises the ultimate conquest: personal dominion of the spiritual!

Neo Advaita is not Advaita Vedanta and it is not the teachings of Ramana Maharshi either. Ramana merely used the language of Vedanta to explain his experience of Truth and said Be As You Are. Vedanta stops at mentally affirming the existence of the Self whereas Ramana counselled to go beyond the mind for Self realisation.

Who are you? Well, you'll never find out if you listen to this bunch of morons! The Neo Advaita trademarks are: Anyone can be enlightened (Apparently!) ... The "I" is still there after enlightenment (You can say that again with this lot!) ... You don't need a guru, you can do it yourself (So why do we need any of these idiots then?) ... Nothing exists and there's no sadhana: Nothing To Do (Except attend all their satsangs and give them lots of adulation and cash for their multiple DVDs, books, photographs and meditation cushions!)

Just for the record, Ramana taught that realising the Self is predestined and a matter of Grace. He said the "I" is totally gone after enlightenment and that the presence of an enlightened being is essential, until the Self is attained. And Ramana endorsed all paths, stating that sadhana depends on the individual.

Neo Advaita has hijacked and emasculated Ramana's Self realisation, exploiting it for its own ends. It has taken his Do Nothing instruction, which Ramana said was only for the advanced and perverted it to mean that absolutely NO sadhana is necessary. Anyone can "have" enlightenment NOW! No hassle, no effort: realisation before you've even got there.

This is a shallow, consumerist interpretation scraped from the retina of Ramana's teaching, which sells you abstract notions of enlightenment as the real deal: like buying on credit and never having to pay. It is the description of enlightenment minus the genuine article, an enticing theoretical product where body is divorced from mind. All you get is talk and pseudo-awakenings become the new benchmark. Saying it, replaces being it. Soft words and the language of love masquerade as the real thing. Understanding realisation is suddenly the accomplishment. Salvation served up on a slab: consume and you're enlightened!

The upshot is that anything goes if you can argue it. In the absence of visceral experience, the slightest tremor is an Awakening. And with the arbitary use of any free-floating concept, even Ramana can be castigated as a fake. Like a 1000-headed hydra, one guru pops up only to be shouted down by another who shouts even louder (As Mr Heinz so sagely put it: 57 varieties of Mind Fuck Soup!) This is why this Paradigm of Paradise is so jumbled and confused. It's a hybrid monster: Presence, Being In The Moment, Neti Neti and mental deconstruction to the nth degree, all in the name of satsang!

This ugly assault on the Citadel of Consciousness is led by the bastard progeny of The Godfather; U.G. Krishnamurti (Remember this is the man who described all spiritual experiences as dogshit and the guru's grace as secondhand vomit!) U.G.'s Blitzkrieg boys are Tony Parsons, Karl Renz and Jed McKenna (is he really Adyashanti's evil twin?)

Tony Parsons is the ringmaster of this circus and its most cogent spokesman. He is the prime mover in the European New Wave along with Karl Renz - both with their respective brands of bullshit humour to flesh things out. Tony has made a career out of a mythical Walk in the Park, which he defines as his Awakening experience. This didn't stop him from hanging out for years with the original Rajneesh (not his counterfeit copy!) Tony's clique indulge in a game of partisan one-upmanship. They are all desperate to join the so-called Awakening Club and dissenting voices are condemned to the gulag of "You don't get it, you're so dualist!" In this world, everyone including Ramana is deemed guilty of dualist speech and action. The logic behind this resembles the Marxist mindset-gone-mad: paranoia and cries of revisionism are fine-tuned with asinine comments, in what amounts to a kangaroo-court of self-appointed Non Dual Word Police. Tony's mantra is: "Vasanas, what vasanas? There is only this!" A superfluous wave of the hands then illustrates this great mystery (NOT!) All we are left with is the vacuous nature of Tony's smug bonhomie and his tired old jokes ...

The next member of this triumvirate is American enfant terrible, Jed McKenna, who doesn't actually exist (But then, nor does Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji!) This fictional entity is the King of Smartass Logic and Neo Advaitin non-concepts, blurted out in a continuous stream of self-congratulatory invective. His idée fixe is a clumsy and trite analysis of the novel Moby Dick, where the whale represents the ego and Ahab is the mind's attempt to annihilate itself. Jed is a Master of folksy Mid West patter. The catch is, it's all just words.

Last up is Karl Renz. He's from the Academy of Mental Gymnastics, denying everything much like those Neti Neti hooligans of Old School Hinduism. Here comes the mind-wank of perpetually refuting and ridiculing absolutely anything somebody says, without any of the enlightenment. Poor Karl, he's still trapped in the mind: negation is his only friend!

Neo Advaita is a Massacre of the Innocents. It is a cynical ploy totally devoid of humility. Without the need for sadhana or any prior qualification for enlightenment, anyone can be a guru. Tickling the vanity and satisfying the illusion that it is "us" who are in control of our awakening, this horror story is an existential meltdown created by none other than, THE EGO! It is designed by the spiritually and emotionally lost, its mouthpieces are avaricious Devils in Disguise (See the movie Rosemary's Baby for a concise analogy!)

We leave you with a quote from the ultimate Chi-Ting publication of all time, The Bible, Matthew 7: 15-21: "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly they are ferocious wolves ... "

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Siva Sakthi in cash expose!

We've always felt that Siva Sakthi Ammaiyar was a benign presence in Tiruvannamalai ... 

She doesn't bore anyone with Talking School and has always given darshan with no charge to all and sundry ... Plus she looks like Yoda's wife from Star Wars!

But since she broke her spell of silence and started to give private darshan, a vociferous furore of complaint has reached fever point in the chai shops of T.V.Malai. Punters are claiming that her son is demanding 5-10,000 rupees ($100-200) for these one-to-one sessions.

In her defence, we might add that she has been dishing it out free for numerous years since her arrival from Salem and the people who are whining the most are often those who are happy to give away their cash to the likes of Kalki, Premananda, Mark-Hans or Miranda (all the usual suspects!)

Is Siva Sakthi involved in the cash-for-a-cosy encounter scandal or is her son culpable? Is she really skint or are there grandiose ashram plans in the offing? We await events with baited breath!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The beast within ...

Germaine Greer gets serious ...

(Kevinandaji: Germaine hit me with her handbag and she usually keeps a brick in there, so I had to let her have her say!)

Behold now the Behemoth that I have made with you
He eats grass like cattle
Behold now his strength is in his loins
And his power is in the navel of his belly
His tail hardens like a cedar
The sinews of his tendons are knit together
His limbs are as strong as copper
His bones as a load of iron
His is the first of God's ways
[Only] his Maker can draw His sword [against him]

Ermm ... What are you raving about, Germaine?
Job, you imbecile. Job 40! When The Beast thrashes within, unable to relieve itself without, it can't find completion ... The Behemoth symbolises the masculine gone wrong! It's all about Tiruvannamalai of course, Kevinanda!

Err right ...
The male energy's not right here. I've only been in this dusty temple town 5 minutes: the food is barely palatable, the male company potato-like and flaccid and there's not a nubile male teenager worth ravaging in miles: unless one indulges in the local rough trade!

That's quite a condemnation, Germaine. Anything to add?
Addicted, balding, impotent, overweight and pot-bellied, non-achieving, spiritually deluded, alpha males gone to seed. They're all asleep and scared to participate in this world! So they indulge in theological nonsense that only worships the mind, keeping reality at bay. It's all an act of confused self-justification! Truly an Enclave of the Desperate!

Any redeeming features?
Not from where I'm standing. The rest of them are do-gooding wimps: even more repellent! All mouth, no delivery ... Not a real man in the house!

So what about the girls? Are they any better?
Hardly, they suffer from the same imbalance ... and spend their time running around trying to save these no-hopers! They're either wilting Desdemonas or control-freak Terminators, driven by dissatisfaction and attracting what they loathe! It's all rather sado-masochistic ...

And the gurus?
What?! That breed of ageing pigs! The only reason they're in this game is so they can get off with young girls! Here we have the essence of the problem. They suck the life out of their audience, feeding on the adulation. And they prey on the female in order to satisfy themselves! The promise of enlightenment is the foreplay and the woman's sexual power, the sacrifice!

Yes, Germaine ... It's a vampire's flesh-fest ... So what?
The Behemoth must be served up to the surviving members of the human race!

Excuse me?
It's time we finished this dying breed off! It's a Biblical allegory for the integration of the male and female within, by surrendering the ego! What we need is a courageous, virile male rather than a deformed abomination! Even a retard like you can get your little brain around that one!

Isn't it time for your medication?
Where's my handbag? It's time I gave you a good bricking!

That's all folks! Germaine will be dishing out the punishment, any time the Ugly Head of Patriarchy rears itself in T.V.Malai. Teenage boys are advised to leave the area before she unleashes her monstrous libido!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Radha Ma ... mea culpa ...

Ms Medusa gets personal!

Hi Readers! I've been on my Samadhi Plan Diet for the last 2 months. This involves eating nothing but ethereal ambrosia and slapping my rich but stupid devotees about the head at every opportunity. I've managed to lose more than 20 kilos and am back to my buxom best, after last year's choci orgy when I got up to Sumo fighting weight and needed a family-sized tent to walk around in! Now I can truly say I am an Olympian Goddess reborn ... This year I've been in my Himalayan retreat in Rishikesh, taking a break from my day job as a Guru. The Virgin Ganga truly has miraculous properties! All my dodgy karma from my days as that infamous Mafioso Real Estate Radha, has been washed away in its soothing caress. Now I feel fighting fit, so come back Gabriel, all is forgiven ... Ramesh Balsekar is such a dessicated old bore he really doesn't deserve you! If you're a good boy I'll get the horse whip out and give you a jolly good beating! It'll be just like old times ...

As for those other dunces who dare to call themselves my devotees, I have made them waste lots of monies feeding the feckless poor ... While anyone who does not do my bidding is dismissed from my company. Being one of my devotees is like a game of musical chairs ... And when I feel like some amusement, I smash up all the seating and then they're history!

To relieve the ennui, I've been working as a waitress at Usha's. I've become the Belle du Jour [wasn't that a Catherine Deneuve movie from the 60s?] and cultural icon of the Advaita smorgasbord. With my friend Prema we shimmer in orange and dazzle the masses with our spectacular glamour. And when I get really bored, I drop in on a few satsangs ...

I want to tell you a secret, Cherished Readers. Those small-time con-artists just can't resist my charms. They plead for private audiences and keep on coming back for more! That Karl Renz visited my Advaita monastery for personal correction. After I fed him dog food and put a studded collar around his neck, yanking the leash with all my might, I sent him on a penance for a thorough colonic cleanse. So I'm very sorry but Karl is unable to sit for satsang at the moment ... he's not enlightened and he's indisposed ... 'in flagrante' with a hose pipe up his ass!

And guess what? That creep Mark-Hans begged me for a taste of enlightenment! I told him to close his eyes and open his mouth ... You should have seen the look on his face, when I shoved sour candy down his stupid gullet! It made me laugh like a banshee!

Finally Beloved Ones, Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji has at last relented and allowed me to become a full Chi-ting devotee. After he wrote that scurrilous Enid Blyton story about me [Radha Ma and the Temple of Isis] I tried to join the club. But he is so, so cruel, he said my qualifications did not fit and that I was carrying far too much weight ... Even though I wrote him a paean of praise on my award winning blog!

So Dear Readers, you'll see me again. But do not catch me unawares ... My wrath can wake the Furies, my stare turn you to stone!
Love and kisses, Ms Medusa xxx

To be continued ...