Saturday, January 12, 2013

Girlfriend from hell!


Dearly beloved Chi-Ting devotees

His Holiness Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji would like to refute in the strongest possible terms the defamatory and disgusting rumours that have been circulating since the New Year Chi-Ting office party. It's true that he was last seen wearing only a satanic face mask and a leather double headed cod piece screaming: "I wanna fuck Babylon!" and then howling like a wolf. But it is a total fabrication to suggest that His Holiness has ever shagged Anunnaki satsang psycho Unmani (she of the very scary Margaret Thatcher eyes!) A full meeting of the Chi-Ting Politburo has been called to find out exactly what illicit substances were put in the party punch. A rather sheepish Sister Klaus has admitted to lacing the brew with some very scary hallucinogenic compounds in revenge for certain noxious comments made about her former lover Sven. A full confession will be forthcoming ... His Holiness has acknowledged knowing Unmani's guru Dolano from their junkie days in the Görlitzer Straße squat, Kreuzberg, Berlin in the late 70s. However Kevinandaji categorically states that even though there were reports of an unnamed woman screaming and shrieking as she was chased at gunpoint from the Chi-Ting compound, he has never ever had any form of sexual congress with that monstrous harpy Unmani ...

Yours Bill Clinton Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji



54 comments:

  1. I came across her a few times.... on a par with karen richards, lisa cairns, cesar teruel and the rest of the tirumoneymakergang...

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  2. Imagine waking up next to that with a chronic hangover. It's the stuff of nightmares!

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  3. Why do all of these people have Pune nonsense names?

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  4. Because they're all into Pune nonsense! Simple innit?!

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  5. Unmani is an extremely aggressive saleswoman. Whenever you type "advaita" into Google, ads come up for her satsangs. You can see exactly what kind of woman she is. She has product to sell!

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  6. This Anunnaki thoroughbred pushing her reptilian aggressive version of vedanta-for-cash, is as unprepossessing as Bill's Chelsea, but 7 times shrewder. However if there's a smidgeon of the Good Samaritan in her, she may disburse some of her satsang profits to Chi- Ting club members. They tend to be impecunious and the Master could also do with a few bob!

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  7. thank you master! next up (please!), the most boring awakened man on earth, Richard Sylvester..

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  8. Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji, Sir,

    My vote would be for an examination of someone more egregious in their proclivities or more lascivious in behaviour than the mild mannered Richard Sylvester.

    It is the understanding of many that spiritual transformations seem to be governed by the old law of “Garbage-In, Garbage-Out”. Thus one expects that a New Delhi taxi-walla, for example, after awakening will become an “awakened” taxi walla, or a Tamil poet will become an “awakened” Tamil poet.

    Unfortunately, this means that all poor sods such as Richard Sylvester, post “awakening”, will remain the same frightfully boring people they were before the magical “shift” took place.

    In Sly Dickie’s case he even seems to be aware of this. In his BATGAP interview, he says that he and Tony Parsons agree that when consciousness no longer identifies as the “personality”, little is changed and the personality is more or less left intact. Consciousness then observes the personality happening just as other people do, but no longer identifies with it.

    My vote, therefore, would be for the Master to choose someone else for treatment on the inversion table or attachment by suspension cuffs to the fisting sling. Or for any other treatment which the Master may crave to carry out with other devices.

    Yours as ever,

    Myles O'Blarney

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  9. All that's happened to Richard Sylvester is that he got confused at a train station and now he's made a second career out of it!

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  10. Could the Master rank and list the 10 top comments of the last 40 months. To coincide with those unmentionable Hollywood awards that are coming up. Dont forget 1 or 2 wooden spoons, they carry some value too.

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  11. Unmani is another Radha Ma disaster waiting to happen!

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  12. Unmani's impeccable Nibiru credentials are in themselves sufficient to keep her at arm's length from any impending disaster. Unless she overreaches her demonic inclinations with excessive bluster, brazen banality, money mania and megalomania. In that case she's half way there already!

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  13. "Consciousness then observes the personality happening just as other people do, but no longer identifies with it." Yet they always make out as if they're completely empty of any inner activity at all - it's wilfully misleading. And don't talk to me about the 'energetic shift'! What a money maker that one is! Somehow, only Fat Tony has discovered this unique property of the authentically realised - and his dim audience sit there for years waiting for it to happen - it's exactly the same sort of con Fat Tony claims to be exposing

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  14. Fat Tony may have many foibles but I have never heard him talk about consciousness. From what I remember he doesn't like the word and he doesn't really know what it means. He certainly says that after separation has passed there is no one to observe anything - neither is there awareness. Observation and awareness for him are simply activities of the I.

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  15. OK, Fat Tony would say being, same difference - he just likes to try to subtly slag off the competition by misrepresenting them (not that the majority out there AREN'T phonies of course)

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  16. 'after separation has passed there is no one to observe anything' no one is one too many!

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  17. I've got a funny feeling the above FOIBLED FAT TONY comment was posted by none other than the once Slim Tony himself or by one of his non-apologetic lackeys. Unmani's pictorial canines are ready to chomp on and sever Tony's pride, an event that would make her much more sought after.

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  18. It all depends on whether you think realisation is under your control or whether you've already grasped the fact - intellectually at least - that there's no such thing as realisation. Most people are still on the first one. A few seekers realise it's not under their control and continue with their practices in a lot more humility. And in rare cases there are just a handful who are no longer interested in spirituality and practices because they know it is all a (divine) misconception.

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  19. I am not one of Tony Parson's "non-apologetic lackeys." I, like everyone else, have some criticisms of Tony but for me these are far outweighed by the positives. It is true that Tony is no UG Krishnamurti and that his understanding of Ramana and self inquiry is a little thin. All of his accolytes do sound exactly the same: the "Tony clone" phenomena is extremely worrying. However he puts it, he is saying that the message is more authentic than others' and that he has a handle on what Advaita "really" means. I do get bored of some of his jokes which are pretty outdated: Tony's sense of humour has definitely not evolved since Carry On Up The Khyber in the late 60s and his jokes about blondes are tiresome in the extreme. He cuts you off and often doesn't listen. His sentences are sometimes very formulaic.

    But who can you go to who doesn't tell you what to do; who says that spiritual methods are not right or wrong; and sets it out once and for that's it's not "there's nothing to do" but that there's no one to do it? Tony's meetings which I have actually attended (unlike my critic) are pervaded by a vital, transforming energy. He is not politically correct. He is very down to earth. He may tell the same jokes but they always sound entirely fresh and new. We really, really laugh at his meetings even though we're told there's no hope - which is a good deal more honest than most teachers. And the people who go to the meetings are very ordinary, unpretentious people. Whatever you say about Tony Parsons, he is approachable. Richard Sylvester may be a bore but he is warm, kind and genuinely friendly. Nobody will ever send us to sleep on the scale of the Arch Bore of Vedanta - James Swartz - so I don't think Richard has much to worry about. Last of all not one of Tony's crowd is after money. Their charges are extremely modest and proportionate. Compare all this to that tosser Mooji who is building his own Jim Jones style cult in Portugal where he is the king and everyone else bows down to his divine authority.

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  20. "Last of all not one of Tony's crowd is after money". I would say the Tony roadshow rakes in around £400,000 a year, if not more.

    Another interesting aspect of the Tony phenomenon is the shifting language he uses - he seems to disavow the language he used in the transcripts in his books - this must mean that his message has changed somewhat (there are things like 'that wall is a thought form', cribbed from Balsekar I would imagine) - so the conclusion you must make is that if Tony is 'speaking from nothing' then nothing must change it's mind over the years!

    But sure, it's a nice afternoon out in Hampstead if you like that sort of thing

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  21. 217 to Fat Tony's lackey ... You are now offering endless apologies on behalf of your spiritual pay master. To come up with this obsequious piece of NON-APOLOGETIC defiance, despite all the evidence that Bloated Tony is a self serving narcissist lost in his own mental fog. Is it any wonder his understanding of Ramana is thin ... Tony gets off on screwing the brains of the likes of you and getting paid for doing it!

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  22. Fat Tony's LackeyJanuary 16, 2013 at 5:54 PM

    Isn't it revealing that for you everything has to be mind-satisfactory, cogent, logical and mentally consistent. We are talking about an unknowable mystery which scrambles the senses. Of course Tony's language changes, life is not a static montage.

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  23. Strange that the subject of our post (remember Unmani?) is considered such a joke and so totally irrelevant, that no-one can even be bothered to slag her off! OK carry on - or as Sam Peckinpah would say: "Bring Me The Head of Fat Tony!"

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  24. Part of the problem re Tony's language is because of Dennis Waite.

    Tony was accused by Dennis Waite of being "neo advaitin" and as a result the phrase "traditional advaita" also came into being. People don't realise that these are both modern, recent terms. Before that there was just Vedanta and its schools, one of which was advaita based on the work of Shankara.

    Dennis Waite is a waste of space who has little understanding of advaita. He accused Tony Parsons of three main things: 1) of denying that there were people and objects; 2) of insisting that the only reality is "story"; and 3) saying that there is no one there (no seeker, I or doer) and no path or method for attaining liberation.

    Unfortunately Waite completely misunderstood Parsons' message. Parsons says that there are people and objects - they are real and unreal rather just being real. He says there are two realities: the natural reality (so-called enlightenment) and the artificial reality (separation or "story"). And he also says there is neither enlightenment nor anyone to realise it - that's why there's neither a seeker nor a path.

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  25. Tony Parson's language definitely changed in the last few years into Dzogchen/Madhyamaka Buddhism. The question is did he steal it, is it a coincidence they sound the same, or is he enunciating something else which can never be described but has elements in common with many traditions including Buddhism. Tony says the latter but do we believe him? I suspect he changed his message because of the criticism he got from Dennis Waite, which was richly deserved.

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  26. Tony changes his pitch all the time - his latest irritating spiel is that bit where he goes '...and there's nothing... left...' I think we're supposed to think it's very profound...Dear old Tone, why oh why do you say at the start of your talks 'it's complete, this is wholeness' and then proceed to slip in your energetic shifts and your 'the me energy can dissolve into boundlessness' carrots for the dim 'seekers'.

    Having said that, he does have a really good 'therapy voice' I think he learned it in those Osho communes in the seventies, just like all the other North London bullshit therapists.

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    1. There is no past to worry about tony. figure out that one, before you go on typing posts for ever and identity with the poster.

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  27. John David (Premananda) seems to have slipped under the radar and the smoke screen created around Fat Tony. This bacillus is currently raiding Tiru on a short hit and run rumoured to scoop him 2 or 3 lakh, before moving elsewhere to lay his next ambush.

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  28. Premananda/Spermananda is a serial offender who seems to have hit a rich vein of suckers in the Deutsche hausfrau market. We have insulted him for years but to no avail, the bugger just keeps trolling on. Everyone around Papaji jokes about Premananda's so called enlightenment experience (or lack of it!) and everybody knows that Papaji detested him. He has ripped off nearly everyone in Tiru in some scam or other and is probably best known for stealing writing material from David Godman which he refused to pay any royalties for.

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  29. UG Krishnamurti who Tony has ruthlessly copied said that in the natural state there is no sex urge. So Tony is not there yet even though he likes to think he is.

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  30. UG stikes me as having been far too in love with himself to contemplate sex with another person!

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  31. I once went to a "shitsang" with this daft lady Umami or whatever she calls herself... Why not "Doris"?

    She's a very angry person. I had fun asking stupid questions in the gathering and she was shooting me daggers in the pub afterwards, where she had copped off with some bloke from the meeting.

    I definitely had the impression of a "bunny boiler"... Damaged goods, as we say in the biz.

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  32. I still haven't figured out who Firefly is for sure. Is he the tall white guy who wears a lungi and a bandana and sits like a bird near the banyan tree at the ramana ashram gate? He help Richard Clark locate a few caves - hee hee.

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  33. Doris is her genomic anunnaki designation, and yes, the energy of anger (at herself as much as at others) features high in her mitochondrial storehouse.

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  34. However he likes to dress it up, Tony Parsons is Buddhist and his message embraces all the schools of Buddhism. "There is no one there" sounds like the Theravadins who concentrated on personal enlightenment. He also mixes his message with Mahayana which preaches the emptiness of all objects including the person. He then moves to "nothing being everything" which is most definitely a Dzogchen/Shentong formula.

    The most striking thing here is that Parson's message brings all of these perspectives together - and even dissenting views. Look at this on his website: "Inevitably there is disagreement as well as misunderstanding about the open secret message. However, there can also be a criticism which is based, not on the essence of the message, but on its misinterpretation. It seems that wholeness embraces confusion."

    This is a double-bind statement which always makes Parson's critics wrong. It is a very common strategy in Buddhism, and particularly Tibetan Buddhism, for claiming AUTHENTICITY and setting oneself over all others. Parson's statement is a rhetoric of power. It is a unitive discourse of hegemony and dissent made famous by the Gelugpa school which relegates perceived "anti-truth" to a different type of reality, while nonetheless claiming this anti-truth to be part of the oneness being preached. It creates hierarchy. It says: 'I am right and you are wrong' (because your wrongness is actually my rightness). If this isn't dualism I don't know what is!

    An ego devises and peddles these kind of clever statements. "One" breeds, sees and teaches a "one" (which is not a "one"). So many people have been fooled by Tony Parsons and ... he has even fooled himself!

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  35. That's the perfection of Tony Parsons, he can brush anyone off. But that in itself is a sign. He has a device, a strategy for doing that. All the religions do! There is no message but Tony Parsons definitely has one. He loudly proclaims: "it's not my message but the message here is ..." That's the fundamental difference between him and UG. UG said he had no message. He wasn't interested in giving talks, writing books or charging money. Tony Parsons is a charlatan and a fake.

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  36. It seems there are signs of intelligent life out there after all: Open Your Eyes!

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  37. The comment written by A BUDDHIST SAID needs some reworking, so average idiots (me among many) can comprehend this knotty esoteric composition. It may well be profound, so give us a chance in partaking of it.

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  38. Tony Parsons says he is right and others are wrong. That's putting himself above others, which is ego. Geddit?

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  39. Tony 'Paradox' Parsons: There is no 'you' who can do anything. However, there is a contracted, cellular sense of a 'me' that is not a thought, but is supported by thought. This 'me' is also not actually there. To resolve this, an energetic shift needs to take place, after which you will say no energetic shift took place and further, there was no 'me' there. Oh, and after this hasn't happened 'you' will still retain your 'character' which is created by 'brain trauma'.

    You cannot bring on this energetic shift, because you don't exist, BUT, it is possible that it will happen if you go to Tony Parson's talks and retreats for at least two years.

    Proof of the success of Tony's divinity in these matters can be found in the enlightenment stories of Richard Sylvester (TM, EST etc) who speaks of the absolute as if he is describing a new lawn mower, and Roger Linden (TM, yogic flying) who has merged Tony's 'message' with some pseudo-scientific new age therapy where he tells you to take a few deep breaths for £45 quid.

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  40. I don’t know this guy Tony Parsons, but I remember his brother Alan Parsons from the prog-rock band Alan Parsons Project (he did something with Edgar Allen Poe as I remember vaguely). Well that made sense to me at that time. This bloke Tony doesn’t make sense at all and also people writing pros and cons about him are completely lost in a word game or just try to show how clever they are, how pathetic! To my delight even the Missus supports my observations, which has brought some love and light into our relationship.

    My humble philosophy is ... with a couple of cold beers on the couch, watching a silly sitcom ... fondling the Missus if she is in the mood and hoping she will be up for a wild night. Now THAT is spirituality guys, believe it or not!

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  41. @"A Buddhist":

    what school do u belong to?

    to be honest, if I would be ur teacher and would see u preachin that tony is a buddhist, I would simply throw u out of my school without any comments.

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  42. Karl! One of our favourite idiots! I remember you set yourself up as an Advaita expert, when the nearest you had come to Tiruvannamalai was a massage parlour in Bangkok! Please inform us how you got your extensive knowledge of Buddhism. Did you go to your local Munich library?

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  43. Neo advaita denies enlightenment. Who put neo advaita in the Wikipedia enlightenment section?

    Enlightenment

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  44. Obviously someone with a sense of humour. It must have been Sister Klaus wot dunnit!

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  45. I was not going to comment on this ridiculous post. Unmani, Parsons, Sylvester, what the fuck, these idiots are not worth any attention. Just let them and their silly followers rot in their stupidity. But then I see my nephew Karl Jacob had the nerve to write another preposterous comment although I had forbidden him to do so. As the ultimate lunatic of the family he did his worst and brought more shame on our already decrepit genetic heritage. Karlchen, Karlchen du Scheisskerl, bitte stay in Bayern or in Thailand and keep posting your foolish comments on the German site for spiritual retards “Erwachen”, but don’t besmirch this excellent blog mit dein Schwachsinn.

    44 comments and all rubbish. The only sensible word came from that couch potato Obesity Fighter, who puts everything in the right perspective. Bravo fatso!

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  46. The Wikipedia enlightenment section is dribble. Even more so the section on neo advaita. I expect Alan Jacobs wrote it, the writing is disconnected and resembles someone with alzheimers. Enlightenment is a western term and it has so many meanings, all of them far away from the original term nirvana. The whole idea is the product of history and thinking. There is such misunderstanding about vedanta, advaita and the made up 'neo advaita.' Maharshi is not vedanta or advaita. Papaji is not neo advaita. And it would be more accurate to say 'western advaita' since once advaita was taken up by foreigners, it was made into a commercial product and sold.

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  47. You haven't mentioned James Swartz and his advaita seminar for the over 60s. Why do all these oldsters converge around the ghoulish Jimmy with his scary gargoyle smile? It's like a zombie convention. Shouldn't we call in Dr Van Helsing to put down these raddled undead cadavers?

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  48. It is certainly true that retirement is being mistaken for enlightenment these days!

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  49. Abraham Van HelsingJanuary 22, 2013 at 8:58 PM

    In Mel Brooks Dracula spoof (1995) I devised a plan to reveal Count Dracula's secret identity. I invited the Count to a ball, and placed a huge mirror, covered with a curtain, on one of the walls. The curtain over the mirror is dropped, and the guests are stunned to see that Dracula has no reflection.

    So it is easy to unmask Oscar winning bloodsucker James Swartz aka Ram, best buddies with that retard bloodsucking toad Richard Clark. At the next meeting with the Holy Ram, I will (disguised as Sister Klaus so that nobody will know me!) place the mirror of truth before his Excellency and his congregation of barely living cadavers will roll off their chairs in surprise that there is actually no one there, not even consciousness, not even maya! They will just see a reflection of barely living cadavers. Then they can claim back their $100 because the hero of the fucking show is missing and go to one of the lousy tourist cafes and stuff their cadavers with some expensive bullshit food (so they are ripped off anyway, as they deserve, for paying 100 bucks to see a non-existent bloodsucker!)

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  50. Went to one of Ur-monies slutsangs. She's AA (arrogant & aggressive). Trained under das uberbitch Dolano, her german zen master. Add the jewish israeli heritage and you have the axis of Me-vil. Money back.

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  51. It's surely not too dificult a concept to grasp that 'everyone' is already enlightened, liberated, awake, whole, at home, unborn, in the now-here etc., (even gurus).

    Still, very relieved to hear you didn't have sex with that vile woman, Sir Kevin.

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  52. Phew! Close shave, O Master.

    A Vagina Dentata of that magnitude would be pure emasculation.

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  53. Try reading Philip Jose Farmer's science fiction porn epic, The Image of the Beast. The blurb puts it like this: "This mind-blowing classic conjures a universe of unrelenting sexual degradation and horror. Private dick Herald Childe is sent a snuff movie of his partner being hideously murdered. His pursuit of the killers leads him into a waking nightmare of sexual brutality and supernatural bestiality, as he becomes entangled with sex-starved she-ghosts, libidinous snake-women, a filthy human sow, and a she-creature who gives birth to an ectoplasmic simulacrum of Satanic child-killer Gilles de Rais."

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